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So if I was a chick (and I tell you, apart from those times I’d love to have some tits to play with, most of the time I’m incredibly glad I’m not) I would do this myself; get a custom made dildo that will hit all my sensitive spots exactly how I want them to…

Only difference is that I’d probably wait til I wasn’t having my period (not exactly the cleanest way to measure things now is it) and I’d try to find a super hot dude to take my pussy measurements so that after he was done we could see how well his own cock could satisfy my horniness.

Halloween is all over the stores right now and has been for a while, and pretty damn soon we’ll be seeing everything there is to see about Christmas.

So I decided to emulate the stores and bring in a little holiday cheer…but of course given that it’s not actually the holiday season I chose something with a twist (and some teeth), cos godammit those bitches who NEVER suck cock or NEVER swallow just totally deserve to be put on Santa’s Naughty list and not get any presents.

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Yknow why porn needs better special effects?  So that we can have some pretty far out, trippy, fantasorgasmic jack off material, especially now with blu-ray technology.

You ever see the Fantastic Four, or know what it is?  Anyway, there’s this dude Mr Fantastic (go figure) and he can totally stretch out any part of his body like miles and miles long, or whatever…dude, that’s the type of special effect fucking they need in some porn movies.

This reminds me of those stories of guys who end up dead with the last words they hear being “Don’t bring a knife to a gunfight”.

This hapless robber obviously is outgunned because he brought a gun to a cannon-fight.